The mention of prenuptial agreements often evokes discomfort, suspicion, or even fear. Yet beyond the stigma lies a complex question that couples and professionals continue to debate: do prenups protect or poison the foundation of marriage? Experts across law, therapy, and relationship coaching offer nuanced perspectives—most of which focus less on the document itself and more on the process of creating it.
Fairness and Balance as Key Factors
For Brian Calley, Founder of Couples Analytics, the line between a prenuptial agreement that builds security and one that undermines a relationship lies in fairness. Calley says that prenups tend to strengthen relationships when “they are transparent, fair, and handled with care for both partners’ values.” When both individuals feel heard and respected, the discussions reduce anxiety and replace uncertainty with a shared sense of preparedness.
However, Calley warns that “a prenup can weaken a marriage if it is rushed, one-sided, or coercive.” Power imbalances, secrecy, or proposals presented at the last minute can create lingering resentment. The crucial difference lies in whether the process feels collaborative or controlling. As he explains, “If it feels collaborative and rooted in respect, the document becomes an extension of their values.” In other words, a strong prenup begins with sensitive, deliberate conversation rather than legal urgency.
Education Over Expectation
From a legal standpoint, prenuptial agreements can also offer educational value. Attorney Julia Rueschemeyer, of Attorney Julia Rueschemeyer Divorce Mediation, observes that many of the prenups she handles arise from second marriages, where one or both partners wish to protect assets for their children. Her experience as a divorce mediator for over 1,800 couples gives her a practical lens: “Prenuptial agreements don’t necessarily strengthen or weaken a marriage,” she says. “They are enormously useful as an educational tool about the laws governing finances and assets.”
Rueschemeyer notes that most couples have little understanding of state laws that dictate asset division or support in divorce. A prenup can illuminate those realities early, sometimes strengthening the marriage by clarifying shared financial responsibility. “It helps them understand,” she adds, “that all assets are marital regardless of who earned the money or whose name appears on the deed.” That awareness can transform how couples see financial partnership—moving from “my money” and “your money” to “our money.”
The Process Matters More Than the Paper
Amanda Ferrara, LMFT and Program Therapist at Ocean Recovery, emphasizes that the success of a prenup depends less on the contract itself and more on how couples design it. “A prenuptial agreement is neither pro-marriage nor anti-marriage,” she explains. “It is simply a tool.” What makes the difference is the process—how partners talk, decide, and repair through those financial conversations.
Ferrara encourages couples to begin months before the wedding and to view the process as a relationship-building exercise. She suggests reviewing “principles such as mutual care, fairness, transparency, and flexibility” together before drafting any terms. Independent counsel, full disclosure, and periodic reviews can ensure the agreement evolves as life changes. This proactive approach transforms what could be a legal formality into a mutual act of respect.
“A prenup strengthens a marriage when it’s a fair, transparent, value-aligned plan you build together,” Ferrara says. “It weakens a marriage when used as pressure or protection for one person at the other’s expense.” Her insight underscores what many experts agree on: the intention and communication behind a prenup matter far more than the paper itself.
Conclusion
While opinions differ, the consensus among experts is consistent—prenuptial agreements are not inherently good or bad for marriage. Their impact rests on intention, execution, and respect. When couples approach a prenup with honesty, equality, and foresight, it can open channels of trust rather than threats of division. The more transparent and collaborative the process, the stronger the foundation it helps build.
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